Monday, July 26, 2010


"I love you too," Eli says. "I just don't think that matters enough anymore." - Loose Girl, Kerry Cohen, p. 138

So, I'm reading this book, called Loose Girl by Kerry Cohen. Short summary, it's a "memoir of promiscuity" and Kerry's addiction to sex, male attention, and how she believed that her life will finally have meaning when a guy "loves" her.

And I come to this part, where she finally gets a boyfriend, who lasts a little over a year, and then things start to get a little tough; they fight more, sex is dwindling down, etc. So for vacation they decide to spend it apart, give some space and think, and see what happens. And during then, while Kerry is thinking about ways to make it better, because she really wants their relationship to make it, he goes off and cheats on her. Now this is a few decades ago, so I don't know if a kiss back then counted as cheating, but it does with me, so I'm calling it cheating. Eli meats some other girl, and kisses her, and then while he's breaking up with Kerry, over a payphone call, he goes on saying how the girl is better than Kerry. "It's so easy with her. Relaxing."

Now, sorry if I offend anyone with this, but what the fuck? Why do people (mostly guys..) have to rub in how much better the new girl is? This has happened to me, a few times, hence why I say guys more, because I don't swing the other way. Anyway, I've had a few ex's who felt like they just had to tell me how awesome their new girl is. And while they're bragging, me nodding nonchalantly, inside I want to smack them in the eggs with the nearest blunt object I can get my hands on.

Attention Guys : No girl wants to hear this shit. (Same goes for girls, really.)

Anyway. Kerry says, "But I love you." And Eli proceeds to say the line I have up there, before the page break. And that there, really annoyed me. How can you say you love someone, and not have it be enough to keep trying? Especially when things aren't that bad, and you just need to suck it up and learn what's worth giving up and complaining about? I mean, really. Saying "I love you, but it's not working." is like saying "your dog is dead, but you can still keep him."

This just completely baffles me, really. How can you say you love someone, but you cheat on them, and then say you want to leave for someone better than them..? You're just trying to sugar coat the situation, don't do that. Don't say you love them, and then leave them.


  1. Thumbs up my lady!

    Most people fail to realize love's true definition. Their version of love, such as this boy's, isn't really love at all. Unfortunately, a good majority of the word (or at least the U.S.) follows this.

  2. I know and it's so depressing, how easily someone just gives up.

  3. Love is those adventures people always read about. Wesley and Buttercup* had their adventure. Shrek and Fiona** had their adventure. A slew of others had their adventures.

    What people don't seem to realize is that it's a pursuit for that Holy Grail, that "one" with whom you'll spend forever, always happy (in the "eudaimonia"*** sense). Taking on a quest like Love starts with "I love you" I think... You make that commitment and do what you can to stick to it.

    I don't know. Maybe I'm just an old-fashioned romantic: the prince and princess journey through horrors told in fairy tales to live happily ever after. But whatever.

    Today's society needs to either find a different word for its current use of "love" and give us the word back for its proper use, or we're gonna have to work to change the world's view of it. :)

    *The Princess Bride
    ***Greek: meaning something like "eternal happiness;" as used in "life, liberty, and the pursuit of..."

  4. Yess Emily, I agree. I mean there is "infatuation" which is similar to "love", but no one ever uses that anymore. Maybe I'll take that up with the next guy I date. I won't use "love" so quickly. Though, in my defense, I would sit and think about it and dub it worthy enough to be called "love". I don't take that word lightly when I'm in a relationship with someone.

    And don't worry, I'm an old fashioned romantic, too. But what you described, that's kind of how it goes, isn't it? For the ones who make it? They like eachother, try and make something of it, something goes horribly wrong, they get through it, and then they live happily ever after. But now a days, no one want's to work past the hardships. They all want it to be easy.

  5. Yeah, that never fails to leave me flabbergasted(I just love that word.) But really... it's really stupid. If I loved someone, I could never cheat on them or leave them. Wtv... weird people in this world. For most people, love is found by their eyes and not by their hearts.

  6. It's sad but it really is.. most people look at someone and then think they're in love. I guess that's how it was for my ex, because he just droped me so easy for no reason. I'd never be able to cheat on someone either. No one diserves that.

  7. I agree that now a day’s people want to take the easy route, but how do you challenge yourself in life if the path you choose is always easy? If the person leaves, because I was too complicated, that means the hardships we had meant nothing at all to you and it's time to move on! And I’m glad someone finally pointed out that, guys, you don't have tell us how awesomely, fantastically, better she is. It's irrelevant to us, because we already know that you're actually describing us!XD

  8. I don't even get the point of dating someone if you don't expect to have hardships.

  9. Sometimes others walk into something without even thinking what to expect or what the next step is. It's like taking a leap and not knowing where you're going to land. I think that in some point in our lives we've all done that...*5 years later* That was so stupid!*slaps forehead*... It's just how life is.

  10. WOE : Ha yeah I have! But nothing really like that, how can you enter a relationship and not expect anything more?

  11. Looking for this book on my Nook right now!
    Dang it, Barnes and noble didn't have it in ebook form... Always looking for new reading material...

    and my 2 cents: my one and only ex cheated on me but I forgave him. When we broke up we were "on hiatius" since we couldn't talk to each other and he kept trying to get back together, I still loved him but wanted to give a guy who had been a friend for a few weeks a chance. I told the friend that if Nathan came back I wanted to go back, and the friend accepted. When My ex came back, I had a decision to make, continue to try out this relationship with this new guy or go back to someone I know has hurt me before? Nate begged and begged, and when he got a new gf he would call me and say he would leave her in a minute to have me back. I told him that if he would leave her would what prevent him from leaving me?

    Fast forward 3 years and that guy I was giving a chance is now my fiance yay! and after both relationships, If I told you that life and love was pure sugar cookies and cake I would be lying through my teeth.
    My fiance and I almost broke up when I went partially insane. I came out of the bathtub having steeled myself to tell him I was leaving and that I was packing my suitcase. I hurt him really bad and said I never loved him. Bad things happened and I still don't know how he forgave me and I still don't forgive myself for what I did, some of which might not be known.

    My point though, if you can find someone who will work through issues TOGETHER, you have a relationship of gold. Its not about sex or attention and gifts. They are a life companion that will always be there for you and your best interests.

  12. WEFA yes exactly :) I honestly thought I found that with the last guy of mine, and he did the same thing; cheated. He said I did nothing wrong, nothing to make him cheat, he just did. I don't forgive him, at all, probably won't for a very long time, but we're still friends and he lets me bag on him all I want to make up for not having a reason and fucking me over so badly, so he's still an OK friend haha.

    And that's great :D
    I hope I find someone who'll stay with me and want to keep trying, not obsessivly though, I had one like that. It's the main thing I look for, someone who'll love me for me.

  13. Its been said before but can always be said again, "Cheating is not the problem, it is a symptom." Cheating is merely the effect of something else which could be any one of the myriad of human emotional issues. True relationships are two people who are there for each other. If you are not growing together and helping each other through issues you may as well just be fuck buddies. I am not personally wired like that, but I have noticed this is a growing trend. Lots of fuck buddies. To each their own, sex will always be more than just sex to me.


You're already at the end of the post, the big white box is right there, so empty and lonely, why not leave some love? :)