Thursday, August 4, 2011

Family Sucks.

The story of how I got my license.

I went to the DMV today to do my behind the wheel driving test.

It's my second time, I failed the first one.

I told mom I failed, she just said, "oh well, we'll just reschedule!"

All was fine on the western front.

And then today happened. Suddenly she was angry, for whatever reason I couldn't find. She picks me up for school, and asks, "So do you think you'll do better today?"
"Uh, yeah? Why not?"
"Because you failed last time. You could fail again, you know. Maybe you will fail."
"Thanks for the support, mom."

She then continues the drive to school in the most perfect road manner, telling me "see? THIS is how you do it! Not the way you were! THIS is perfect!" She wasn't even in the goddamned car when I took my test!

Later we get to the DMV. She's irritable and on edge and pissed off at me, and me only. We get to the front of the line, and the nice lady asks, "How may I help you today?"
"We're here for her driving test. She failed last time and needs to retake it."
"No problem! Let me just see your information."
Mom hands her the information.
"What do we do when we need to renew her permit?" (Keyword: when. The support just keeps coming!)
The lady says, "Just do what you did the first time and bring all the information... How many times has she taken it??"
"This is her second time."
"Oh, well she still has two more times until she needs to do that... This one and one more chance. She'll do fine!"
"She might fail though."
"...Well lets just stay positive, I'm sure Angela will do just fine!"
"We'll see about that."

The lady gave me a nice smile, and I'm about to burst into tears.

What the fuck kind of mother does that? Seriously? If you ever do that to your children, you've fucking failed parenting. There's no coming back from that, either. No amount of apologies or gifts can ever bring you back from this kind of shit.

Fuck you if you ever do this.

So we go wait in the line, and she's cussing to herself and being over-dramatic at the heat. It's not even that hot. The instructors take time getting to the other students because they take a while to talk over with you about your driving, if you passed or not. I'm patient and just waiting my turn. Mother on the other hand, is cussing mumbling under her breath, "oh my fucking god, come on already! Fucking shit, hurry up. Ugh, it's so fucking HOT. Angela you could at least roll down your fucking window a little bit, UGH!!"

By the time we get to the front, she's spread out all over the fucking car with her legs all over the damn place, looking distressed and very un-lady like. Like, holy fuck can she be anymore un-presentable and disgusting?

I get George, I think his name was. He says, "Hello! I'm George and I'll be your instructor today!"

Mom glares at him.

"...Okay we'll just do our button and turn signal check, and then get going! *looks at mom awkwardly* Uh, we'll be back in about 20-30 minutes?"

"Oh, I can leave now? Thank God."

So we do the check and stuff, and he gets in the car and repeats what the first guy told me. Then he asks me, "Are you nervous?"
"Sort of..."
"Yeah, you look it. Just relax and pretend I'm not here!"
"It's not really that, my mom just kept saying I'm going to fail again."
"Awh, well you'll do fine! It's simple."

So off we go, and I make only one wide turn, and my stops were a little shorter than what's preferred, but I passed! And while I'm nearly in tears, I go to mom and I actually have a small smile tinkling on my face, and I tell her, "I passed this time!"

Her response?

"About fucking time. Let me see that paper," and snatches it out of my hand. "So you didn't speed up and slam on the breaks this time?"
"I never did that, mom."

I never did, either. WTF.

Then I go stand in line, and I see my friend there and we start talking. Mom interrupts, "Angela go to window 27!"
"Uhm, okay... Hey I have to go now." And I leave my friend to go to window 27.

Then the guy says we have to wait in the line I was just fucking in. "So you made me get out of line to walk up here to be told to get back in line?"
"Oh shut the fuck up, Angela and go stand in the line."

Like. What. The. Fuck. Isyourmotherfuckingsonofabitchshitfuck PROBLEM?!

I get in line, we do the stuff, I get my temporary license until my official one comes in the mail, then we go back to the car.

"CONGRATULATIONS, you proved me wrong."

I don't think I could fathom the words and emotions that I had to hold in to NOT FUCKING PUNCH THIS CUNT INTO FUCKING TRAFFIC.



At least my boyfriend and my grandma were fucking ECSTATIC that I passed.


  1. Angela, Congratulation that you have pass. Your mother is probably very nervous, so just let her be. Anyway I just want to let you know that I am happy that you got your license. :)

    p/s: I got my license at the second time too and yes my dad nags too :)

  2. Congratulation for your license!

    And sorry about your mom, parenting is painful sometimes. Cheer up!

  3. That's a mean way to act nervous >.>

    She was totally fine the first time; second try she was a freaking gremlin!

    But thanks :D

  4. Well done! Now, welcome to the world of car insurance, it's a lot of fun.

  5. Holy shit. She is insane. The whole reason why teenagers get licenses is so that we can get away from our psychotic parents!

  6. Aww Amp your Mum must have had a bad day! If she wasn't to fussed about you failing the first time she must have had a reason for turning into psycho Mum. Well If I was your Mum I would be proud of you ,you not only passed your test you passed it under pressure well done xXx Be glad your not in England our two tests are a nightmare

  7. congrats on your license; though I thought it was a big deal at the time, now it's something I wish I didn't have to do, but it's good that your a step closer of being more independent

    as for your mother, sorry you had a bad day with, I obviously wouldn't know the reasons, but I am sure she had reasons why she was upset, though it wasn't good to take it out on you; I've had my mother slapped me once for no reason, still un-sure why, but something was upsetting her and she took it out on me, so I can in a way relate.

  8. wow that is so sad about your mother being mean but congrats on passing your test.


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