Sunday, August 28, 2011


"The internet is about people connecting to people, wheather for business, politics, or socializing; that's something we've all been doing since long before the Internet existed. The real accomplishment is to make those connections so versatile and different that they create a social network that not only reflects your life, but expands it." - Craig Newmark

Lately, I've been felling completely unsocial.

I scroll through my Facebook newsfeed and I can't find one person I want to talk to. I can't find many people who I want to call my "friend" anymore. I can't think of anyone who I have anything in common with.

Though there is a couple; those are the ones who I've met online, through Blogger. I love those guys best, they're such a fun mix of people from all over the world. Sadly, they all live in different countries or states from me.

Is it weird that I feel closer to people who I've never physically met, than the people who I know in person and used to hang out with?

Other than Mike, of course. Anyway.

If I could, I would go throughout my Facebook and delete everyone but a handful. But I don't. Why don't I? I don't care for those people anymore. I don't know why I don't. I guess I don't want to have only 15 people on my friendslist.

So that's why I have a G+ account! I can have my own little group of fun people on there.

I'm a terrible person, I know.

See, I'm an introvert. I'm not afraid of people, I just prefer to not talk to the random person next to me. I don't like to pretend to be extremely nice for the sake of being "polite". Unlike normal people, or extroverts, I feel a weird squeezing feeling when people I don't know try to talk to me. I'm overcome with the urge to smile and laugh more than I usually would, try to keep the chit-chat going, like a "normal" person would. Try to respond to everything they say, with more than just a giggle. 

But I can't. I giggle and try to be polite, but in my head I'm yelling "please stop talking to me, please!! I don't know what else to say to you, I have nothing to contribute."

I'm weird, I know. I'm not like this all the time, just... the majority of it. I always feel as if I have to be overwhelmingly nice to people I don't know well. Hell, even with my "friends". They're all so uber nice to each other and shit, and I just can't be that nice. I'm a nice person, but I will not shower you in compliments and give you girly-best-friend-cheek-kisses. I will not playfully lay on my friends, or flop down on their bed and open their books. I won't eat their food unless it's offered to me.

I just can't do that.

I don't know what it is, I just don't like talking to people.


  1. imo that is a part of what makes you who are.

    I just walk away from people asap, whenever possible, very rude I know but that's me. I am not a talker or a listener whether I know someone or not.

    The internet has made my world bigger.

  2. I went through my FB today and deleted some people only because they were on my friends list and I had no idea who the hell they were. But I hear you. I have many on my FB that I don't care about but they are there and I don't want to delete them.

  3. I feel that way as well, but it's only to people I'd prefer NOT to talk to. For me, I don't mind talking to strangers... but to strangers I'd rather not chat with, I'll avoid. It's complicated, and I haven't thought about it too much cuz I accept that I have a weird split personality and it's all fine.

    Sometimes tho, this gets in the way of hanging out with my friends. On some days, I'll LOVE to chat with them, and I come up with all these funny things to say, funny interesting stories to tell, and everything's just so awesome and nothing's forced and I don't have to think so hard to keep the conversation going, and I don't need to fake-laugh or anything. Then on other days, with the SAME friend, conversation is forced, laughter is forced, there are awkward pauses. I dunno if it's just me, my mind playing tricks on me, making me feel awkward and tense, or if the conversation IS actually awkward and tense... And then I have these thoughts like: "Oh, I'm not being funny enough" and "Oh, she/he thinks I'm boring, s/he doesn't want to be friends with me anymore because I'm so fucking boring to be with" and all these insecure thoughts.

    But hang out with me on another day, and I'm completely normal again. It's so... weird. I hope in the future, I can work it out!

    I'm glad you've found people you are close with through Blogger and the Internet. I think the Internet is just another dimension of Real Life. The people we strike a convo up with on Facebook will be people we are most likely to strike up another convo with again, whether it's on Facebook or in school or out about town.

    If I met you in real life, I'd give you a hug! And chat politely without any awkwardness I hope on my end. I tend to be awkward half the time, and completely normal the other half.

    The tie of friendship is different to everybody as well, I think. Some of my friends who I'm extremely close to, like we talk about anything and everything... They will NOT come over unexpectedly or if they do come over, they will never raid the fridge or sit down somewhere unless I say it's okay. And other friends I'm not THAT close to, will do all those things. Different people have different mannerisms.

    You seem like an awesome person, very intelligent and outspoken, from what I read on your blog!


  4. im the same way! i suck at small talk, or rather, i don't like being in small talk situations. :p

    and yeah, most of my facebook friends arnt really even friends anymore. i actually just recently went and deleted like, 200 people off my friends list :p


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